Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
