so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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