I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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