three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
