Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
