I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
