you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
