a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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