Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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