She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My life is pants optional.
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