some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
