I got chris browned last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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