I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
