Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
