I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
