And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
