Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
