Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
