Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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