Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
