Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
People in love make me want to vomit
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
