Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
are you still at the devil's house?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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