brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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