If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
