I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
