I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
