I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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