I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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