That's intense
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
