The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
