after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
