so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
