He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
