White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
