Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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