I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
