Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
