For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
