I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
