I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
