she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
