every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
