Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
