His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
