Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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