No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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