I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
