I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
