fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
