I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
