Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
