Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's always time for handjobs
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
