Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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