the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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