ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
